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How to shoot yourself in the foot

Described below are several methods for shooting yourself in the foot using various programming techniques.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me over there."

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability.

Cobol
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO HIP.HOLSTER.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

Basic (interpreted)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your foot is waterlogged and rots off.

Basic (compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Unix
  % ls
  foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
  % rm * .o
  rm: .o: No such file or directory
  % ls
  %
XBase
Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Revelation
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Apple
We'll let you shoot yourself, but it'll cost you a bundle.

IBM
You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you're lucky.

Microsoft
Object "Foot" will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500.

Cray
I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot.

Hewlett-Packard
You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken.

NeXT
We don't sell guns anymore, just ammunition.

Sun
Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want.

Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Modula2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

csh
After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBase
You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets.

PL/1
After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data processing department doubles its size, acquires 2 new mainframes and drops the original on your foot.

Smalltalk, Actor, et al
After playing with the graphics for 3 weeks, the programming manager shoots you in the head.

HTML
<a target="http://body/lower-half/leg/foot.appendage">Shoot here</a>

Java
The gun fires just fine, but your foot can't figure out what the bullets are and ignores them.

MOO
You ask a wizard for a pair of hands. After lovingly handcrafting the gun and each bullet, you tell everyone that you've shot yourself in the foot.

Smalltalk
You daydream repeatedly about shooting yourself in the foot.

Perl
You shoot yourself in the foot, but can't figure out how you did it so you find a dozen new ways to do it.

Python
You shoot yourself in the foot and everything goes so smoothly that you go ahead to to shoot yourself in the other foot then your legs, then your torso and then your head. Problem solved.

Occam
You shoot yourself in both feet at the same time with the same pull of the trigger. You have no idea how it happened, but it did.

Pick Basic (addition by Carolyn Righeimer)
You create a Body file, with a Foot attribute that has five Toe subvalues. You neatly and easily shoot yourself in the foot. You later discover that you only removed the big toe and the other toes have moved over to take its place.

ASP (addition by Rodney Benker)
You may load the gun and pull the trigger, but the bullet will only hit your foot if you use Internet Explorer.

RPN (addition by Tannon Weber)
gun holster foot trigger draw aim pull
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Last update: 25-JUL-2012
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